This picture says so much of how I feel today, but it took me awhile to really learn what the free life is all about. Eight months ago I felt probably the farthest from God I had ever felt. I was chasing the free life, which to me was doing what I wanted to do when I felt like doing it. I am going to be completely honest with you. I was into a lot of things that I thought would make me happy; smoking weed, drinking, partying, and even taking pills. My parents couldn't trust me, and honestly they had no reason to. I have always known God and knew HE had great plans for me but I just kept thinking that I am going to live now, be young, and when I get older I will get my life right with Christ. Probably what you might have thought once before, right? I got to the point that I felt like weed was changing who I was, I was constantly getting into arguments with my parents to the point that I was close to having to move out, and everything else seemed to be going wrong. I remember hearing this voice over and over saying I should just get out of everything and go back to God, but I felt too trapped and even comfortable at where I was. Going back to God meant giving up everything; how I spent my weekends, the group of people I surrounded myself with everyday, the way I talked, the parties. For now I was comfortable and just going to wait it out. I applied for the 2013 Nursing program at Stanly. A few months pass and everyone is getting back their letters of acceptance, even a few people who had told me they made lower than I did on the placement test. I called to see if maybe my letter had just gotten misplaced but I was told that I missed a deadline on one of my classes and would have to wait until next years nursing program. I was so upset. Missing a deadline by a week meant that I had a whole year to wait. A whole year that I didn't know what I was going to do. On top of everything else that I felt wasn't going great this was the icing on the cake. Little did I know this was all part of Papa's plan to bring me back to him. I remember posting a status that said, " Tired of praying to a God that doesn't even listen." I had gotten a lot of comments back but only one person messaged me, Carmen Post. Carmen and her husband Trent started Make Your Mark Charlotte, an organization that reaches out to the inner city kids of Charlotte. Two years ago they expanded Make Your Mark to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia to help the inner city kids of Addis. She asked me about what all that was going on and at the end of our conversation she said that she was looking for someone to teach her children for the upcoming school year while they were in Ethiopia. I told her I would pray about it and she mentioned that Ethiopia wouldn't solve my problems, that if I wanted to come I would need to turn back to God and let him work in me. I heard that voice again, that same voice that told me I could get out of everything, but this time that wasn't all I heard. The voice also told me that I could get out of everything, and the time is now. God had planned all of this. How I had been feeling, missing my deadline, and now a whole year free to do whatever I wanted, and we all know that doesn't come often for college students. So I began to pray. My exact prayer was this, "God going to Africa for six months is a big deal and I don't want to go if I am not meant to. Make it obvious if this is your will, and I will go." And God's exact answer was this,
After I finished that prayer I randomly opened my Bible to a page and this was it. ACTS 8:
God spoke to Phillip and told him to leave where he was, and Phillip went. There was an Ethiopian that he met who was reading a passage from Isaiah but did not understand what he was reading. When asked if he knew what he was reading the Ethiopian replied, "How can I without some help? " I have never heard God more clear in my life.The first page I read was about Ethiopia, and if that wasn't enough of an answer the passage was about God telling his disciple to go. I felt like God was telling me that there are people in Ethiopia who don't understand him. They don't understand who he is and they don't understand his love for them. I am the disciple God was telling to go. That is the day I came back to my creator. That is the day I decided this is it, no turning back. I am eight months sober and I am eight months free. ALL-OUT for HIM.
This is me (left). I am three weeks away from the trip that I KNOW is God-sent. I am so excited because I have never felt God in something so much! I have raised close to 3,500 out of 5,000 dollars needed for my trip and I am trusting that God will provide the rest. People have been giving more than I could have ever expected and I know that is all because of my Papa. I will be keeping you guys updated with my six month adventure and can't wait to tell you guys all that God is doing in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia.
" That man is no fool who gives what he cannot keep,
to gain what he cannot lose." - Jim Elliot
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