Pushing Out Into Deeper Water

I wasn't planning on blogging again so soon, but something special happened today. For the first time since deciding to go to Africa I broke down and cried, and I mean cried a lot.  I didn't really know that I needed a good cry but my Papa did.  My quit time started out with a devotion from Jesus calling. The part that stuck out most to me said, " Though I may lead you along paths that feel alien to you, trust that I know what I am doing." As I sat outside on our shaded back patio it was quit and the weather was perfect, I started thinking of how much I am going to miss this and all the little things. I am going to miss my kitten coming up to my bed in the mornings to cuddle with me.  I am going to miss hanging out with my Mom when she has her days off, and when she is gone to work ordering in Mexican food and watching movies with Dad. I am going to miss spending nights with the kids that I have fell in love with at One7. And Then I started thinking about the big things; missing the first 6 months of my niece growing up that is due any day now, missing the birth of my other niece who is due next month, missing my Birthday and Christmas with my family. This is when the tears started coming like crazy.  I wasn't crying because I didn't want to go anymore, on the contrary, I have never been so sure that I do. I was crying because I know that this was exactly where God wants me to be. I realized that this is what God meant when he said to follow him; that it is going to be tough, that we are going to have to give some things up, but that it is worth it and that HE is with us. I felt like Jesus was giving me a tiny glimpse of what he felt that night in the Garden of Gethsemane. He was scared. He didn't know how it was going to go. He knew it was going to be tough, but he also knew that it was worth it. He knew that he was in his Father's will and that there was no greater place to be. He knew that he wasn't alone and that Father's will was greater than his. I cried and prayed and then cried some more. I opened my Bible to the book of Luke and God brought me to the story where Jesus told Simon to push out into deeper water and let his nets out for catch. He questioned Jesus but said, " if you say so, I will let out the nets." As soon as he did his nets were filled with fish; enough for two boats to be filled. They were amazed and Jesus said, "There is nothing to fear. From now on you'll be fishing for men and women." Simon, James, and John left their boats, nets, and all that day to follow him.  So I am pushing out into deeper water. I am nervous. I'm not sure what awaits me, but I know this is where HE wants me to be, and  there is no better place than that.

You're blessed when tears flow freely.
Joy comes with the morning.  - LUKE 6:21