Surrendering

So I am about two and a half weeks in on my six month journey and God has already brought me deeper into my walk with him than I have ever been before. My first couple days were really rough. Don't get me wrong, everyone went well and beyond out of their way to make me feel at home, but saying you're going to be living 9,000 miles away from home in a third world country for 6 months and actually doing it are two totally different things. I have learned two things about myself so far: how much I hate being uncomfortable, and how much more I hate when things don't go the way I expect them to. I've never really thought of myself to be very selfish, but I started freaking out when I realized how much out of my comfort zone I was here. Just the thought that I had six months to go was too much. To be honest, I was pretty mad at God. I mean he knew how uncomfortable I was going to be, how much I just wanted to be at home with my family, and he told me to come here anyways. One night I was avoiding having my quit time ( you're about to see how God really does have a sense of humor) so I picked up a book I had bought over the summer for my trip. The book started off with joking and stories but got deeper, speaking about how much of a downfall man has with self-absorption. The more I read the more I could feel God telling me how much focus I had been putting on myself. This was just a part of the bigger picture that God had planned to tell me. As the week went on I decided I would try and think more of others than of myself. This helped some, but I was pretty sure I wanted to go back home at Christmas instead of staying the full six months. I read one night about Moses telling God that he would obey him but he needed to know,without a shadow of a doubt, that God was all in and going to be there for him. That night I prayed about coming home at Christmas. I told God that I really wanted to go home at Christmas but that if he wanted me here I would stay. I also told him I needed him to show me in a big way in the next week or I was going to tell Carmen so we could start making flight arrangements (yes I did sort of give God an ultimatum.) The next day I opened my bible to Jeremiah 42-43.  The people of Egypt were in the land of Ammon where wars were going on (at least I think.. God spoke to me through the next chapter so I tried to do my homework with the other stuff.) Anyways, they asked Jeremiah to pray to God and ask him what they should do. They told him that whatever his God said to do they would do, whether they liked it or not. Jeremiah's answer from God was this: If you're ready to stick it out in this land, I will build you up and not drag you down, I will plant you and not pull you up like a weed.  Your fears are for nothing. I'm on your side, ready to save and deliver you from anything the enemy might do. I'll pour mercy on you and I will let you come back to your very own land. But do not say " we are not staying around this place" refusing to obey and saying instead, " no we're off to Egypt where things are peaceful." and then at the end of verse 42 it says, God has plainly told you, Don't go to Egypt. I don't think God could have told me any clearer and I knew I had a decision to make. It wasn't just deciding to stay here until March or go home at Christmas. It was the decision that I am going to surrender my wants over to Christ so that he can truly lead my life or choose that I know what's best. I started questioning if living for God was what I even wanted to do. Like do I really want to give up my wants and my desires for Christ? Is it even worth it? I started thinking of all the people I know who really don't make God a big part of their lives; seems a lot easier and they're happy, right? The next day at Church we had a guest speaker talking about what river we are crossing in life. The third river was surrendering. Carmen even whispered to me that this sermon had me on her heart. I could go in all the detail of how much the sermon spoke to me specifically but I will save you the time. I will tell you three things though; God answered me in bigger ways than I would have ever expected him to, the sermon left me in tears, and I am in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia until March 1st, 2014.

So if you find life difficult because you're doing what God said,
take it in stride. Trust him, he knows what he's doing.
And he'll keep on doing it. 1 PETER 4:19